Monthly Archives: June 2012

Suspension

Two months and counting and I’m beginning to burn myself out with studying.

Considering that I’m now a fourth year student and just one year shy away from graduation, I should be a heck more excited and obsessive to get on with my tasks more than ever. Yet all I feel is emptiness and confusion on what should I do towards taking my first step on an independent lifestyle.

I’m thinking of taking up part-time jobs on online writing just so I can earn an extra bread and show my old man that I can earn faster than he could in a thousand years (About my issue with him, I’ll discuss it some time). I’m at loss whether I should continue being serious on seeking my internship or seeking some sort of racket to fuel my ego that I can live and earn for myself.

I’ve tried passing applications and resumes in several emails but so far, nobody bothered to reply on any of those. Heck, even a letter that you didn’t pass is enough.

I feel like I’m heading nowhere. The feeling of not being sure on where you’re going is acutely more painful than being rejected or ignored. I feel like I should do something, but something tells me I should wait, then develop an urge to do something again only to end up being pushed to a heavy landing on my butt.

This sort of suspension, coupled with an inborn inferiority complex and insecurity is probably the worst feeling of all. Not that I’m suicidal or anything but right now, I’m simply on my knees at awe, watching how these feelings can easily pulverize the walls of self esteem and short-term gratification I built around myself. No matter how you tell yourself how strong you are, there will always be that something which will prove you wrong.

Well enough for my mindless writing right now. I should get back on seeking where I should spend the next five months for my OJT. And oh, I should open a new tab if there’s any available writing jobs somewhere…Something tells my mom wouldn’t provide me an allowance for the next two weeks.

Sigh

So my grand quest on becoming a hero had reached a minor setback…

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Kaninong Anino

Awesome music video in honor of Rizal’s birthday. Enjoy šŸ™‚

Rizal’s Birthday

In the everyday tedium of commuting to university, I used to imagine what will happen if Rizal ever returns to the living world and see the Philippines for at least one day.

What do you think will he feel? Do you think we can show him the state of the country he sacrificed his life for?

Personally, like what everyone else thinks, I think he’ll be very very distraught. The state of the Philippines is so unbearable that maybe Rizal would beg to die again and forget what he had seen.

Rizal, an already “emo” kind of guy, would even be more depressed for FIVEĀ reasons:

1. The Filipinos are physically scattered and emotionally indifferent from each other, just as it had been before the pre-revolutionary days. We live in a country as citizens and not as brothers. Our passion runs to such limited and selfish waterways. We even fail to see Mindanao as sometimes part of us, because some people there are religion extremists. You see, we are people living in a same country, branded by same nationality, but act as virtually strangers. We are only united through rareĀ occasion when Pacquaio boxes his way through the ring, when a Filipina singer makes it into an international stage or events like EDSA Day, Independence Day or when some foreign film decides to shoot a movie in our sidewalks.

2. Some Filipinos are exploiting fellow Filipinos. The Philippines is your classic example of an endless struggle between the rich and the poor. Sure, nowadays, we lack the drama, or cheesy theme songs, or action depicting how the rich steals from the poor, but it doesn’t mean it’s over in our present state now. Filipinos are still stuck in the ”pyramid” social structure that is so common for 3rd world countries; the minority rich gets richer, the majority poor gets poorer. The middle-class, the people who may have the capability to strengthen the economy, is burdened by the high rates of taxes the government imposed, and so they can do nothing. It’s a sad thought that even if an honest middleclass man pays his taxes, a lot of people from rich political families have heap loads of tax evasion cases filed in their desks.

3. Filipinos are satisfied with this kind of state. Rizal had been fighting for restoring Filipino dignity all his life. He’s the first to call us “Filipinos” and not “Indios”, meaning he’s determined to set our identity not as colonial slaves but a nation gifted with a beautiful country, filled with a promising future. And yet, here we are, satisfied with the everyday mediocrity of life, indulging ourselves to the bittersweet addiction for TV, soap operas, and reality shows instead of facing reality and doing what we can. We are content with a life without dignity. No wonder other countries shunned us, it’s because we lacked any passion to prove them wrong. We lack the driving ambition to make this country great again. Instead we do stray away from the comfort zone of feeding our stomachs and living a decent life while most of our countrymen do not.

4. We have no discipline. From the highest officials of the land to the ordinary Filipinos, we simply lack the capacity to use our freedom in useful ways. Instead, we tend to abuse it. In the name of ‘freedom’, we do anything the hell we wanted to, throw garbage there, overtake this car, cross the street under the “GO” light, draw a picture of a some large man’s sexual organ beside a national highway…it’s not only mortifying but just sad. Freedom is a precious gift given to us by the great men of our history and now, we failed to live up to their expectations of using this freedom for the good of the country.

5. We are still psychologically colonial slaves. What I like about this year is the rise of Filipino products in terms of gadgets, fashion wear, business, etc., but maybe it’s only a matter of time before they all close down. It’s because most of us would rather buy imported, foreign ones than utilize our own. Filipino brands are more expensive, sadly, and that maybe drives a factor why. Still, we can help building our own local industry if we give chance to our Filipino inventors or artists and help them grow.

Like I said, Rizal would end up probably depressed over the whole thing.

But he won’t be coming back now, still I wish there could be a lot of Filipinos who will follow his suit. Even if it leads to a premature trip to the grave.

Hmm…a nice statue in some park or when people celebrates your birthday even if you’re centuries dead is not such a bad idea…

Start of something (or could be the everything depending on what will become of me)

Honestly, I don’t know how to start a blog entry

Welcome everybody! Name’s Jannix, a college student in some state university at Manila nearing at the end of her happy days of education and into the brink of what we call the more serious stage of adulthood.

I have some shares of problems, tragic pasts, frustrations, cynicism, and reasonable pessimism but you’d be happy to know that this blog is “rant-free”and maybe a bit bogus but hell, we all need some optimism in our lives, don’t we?

I wouldn’t promise happy songs and dancing flowers under the smiling sun or a blog of “Let’s all live happily together!” Ā or some mushiness kind of thing. Most of my journals are filled with sentiments (hence, the name), simple opinions, reminiscing, random ideas and carefree thoughts to take you guys with me in my journey to achieve my greatest dream.

No, It’s not getting filthy rich and throwing moneys in the air and dancing under these (but I could try that out sometime) but a dream that in some past a certain young man had dreamed before before he sets foot on a journey (literally!) to other countries and finally being able to save his country (and no, he’s not an OFW, but every OFW has a part of him)

I want to be a hero like this guy. God knows how this country need people like him especially now.

So yeah, that’s about it. This is my blog detailing my crusade to be the next hero (heroine or something) of my own motherland, the Philippines. I hope through this simple way, I can promote my ideas and vision on my journey as a student and as a Filipino.

Paalam for now! šŸ™‚

Hello world!

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