Tragically Indecisive

Has it ever come into your life when you have to prematurely decide on something big for your future?

If you don’t, lucky for you. You have a few years until college comes and screw your perfect, carefree life up. If you do, give me a brofist there buddy!

My fourth year in college seems to become a giant crossroads right now; divided into different roads leading to places obscured by the mist. Signposts are here and there, pointing to things I want to go and when I took the first step towards it, I looked back to study the other signposts and take a step back. Again, I’m stuck in the never-ending cycle of deciding.

Making decisions have never come easily for me. I make cold decisions in a snap for minor things in my life but something as big as this, as choosing where to spend my first OJT for print, is a decision you just couldn’t do in a flick of a finger.

Today, my friends and I ventured to the sleek city of Makati to try dropping our resumes to a travel magazine and a broadsheet. I like writing travel pieces, and the program they offer is quite good, but something inside me is not really satisfied. I want to experience BOTH magazine and broadsheet, writing features and news. I want the best of both worlds. I want both equal ends of the candy stick. I am greedy as hell when it comes to experience. I don’t know what I want more. I’m simply indecisive.

Choosing what you really want is a pain in the neck….You don’t know where will you be happy, where you will regret on doing,,,you don’t know what will you miss.

I guess being indecisive speaks much about a person. An indecisive person has no clear idea of what her goals are; her true ambitions. That’s why she’s so unsure of where to go because she was attracted by the sight of other roads or envious of other people who already made the decision of taking that certain path. She doubts herself; She thinks about joining the bandwagon or insisting to be different; She thinks about what will other people see in their paths and not of the path laid before her. She doesn’t trust herself any more than she trusts her own decisions. Simply put, indecisiveness is a sign of cowardice, or in more harsher term, inability to trust herself.

That’s one attitude I really want to change in myself. To do the first step, I am now making a decision I will never ever change whatever happens.

1. I want to go to The Manila Standard or The Manila Bulletin or Summit Media (For magazine)

2. I’ll call them for follow-ups for this week.  If there’s any luck, I’ll accept either one of them. If none, I’ll stick to Manila Times which offer a concrete internship program but with accompanying fee of Php 1,800.

3. Sunday is the decision time. Monday is the orientation for Manila Times. I’ll go there if I can’t see any hope for my applications on the aforementioned publications.

4. If the Three told me that I’ll be called on days after the second week of July, I’ll gladly wait for them and try to stop myself from running after other OJTs just because my other classmates have already started.

5. I will never ever regret anything.

I guess my indecisiveness roots back to the fact that I hate to regret. Who doesn’t? But the difference with other people is that they make the best out of that decision and throw that regret away before it further dampens their spirits.

It’s time for me to do the same.

About sentimentalfreak

Consistently inconsistent. Forever searching and wandering. 'Tis only writing that calms down her restless little soul.

Posted on July 4, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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