Letter to my 16-year-old self

September 2009

Dear Nica,

Hi! You might be wondering how did I know your name. It’s because my name is Nica too. You are me and I am you, well to put it aptly, I am you five years from now.

Don’t throw the paper! This is not a practical joke. Of course, receiving a letter from your future self may sound weird (I should’ve used email or hologram or something to convince you but apart from the birth of smartphones and tablets, there’s nothing much changed in the techie scene. ) I won’t get into details on how I sent you this letter, we both know we suck at science, let alone, quantum physics but the important things is, I get to deliver you this message.

First of all, I would be frank with you. Your life is an ugly mess five years from now. Nope, you won’t get into drugs or alcohol or any vice other than  dopamine addiction thanks to prolonged internet surfing. You’re just a complete mess in a sense that (1) You have no idea where you are going and (2) in relation to #1, you are heading to a crash-and-burn road rampage.

For my 5 years, you will learn that you are not exactly headed to the place you wanted to be. Always, fate and God has other plans. Always, you need to take a step backward to find the next path. One thing about life, it is made to disappoint. You can tally all the achievements and losses you accumulated. add it all up and you would end up with a negative sum. That’s the whole point. It’s made that way, but who says we can be disappointed with life forever?

Truth is, right now, you still have no idea of who you really are. You are too busy with your friends, with your studies and with your own idealistic dreams to evaluate yourself and think about your life choices. You are passionate, but you lack the ability to focus that passion into something more meaningful. You have big ideas but you easily fear what people might think of it before you can actually put these ideas into words or actions. You are conceited and prideful. You are all talk and no action. I know you well enough that you are tempted to throw away this paper right now because of your incapability to face your flaws and weaknesses, but believe me, your reluctance to face yourself will push you to a downward spiral of insecurity, self-pity and frustration. Believe me, because I’ve been there and I don’t want you to experience that in the future.

My message is this: Come in terms with your weakness and set your eyes on what you want. Nothing else. Focus, not genius or talent or skill or age, determines success. Don’t spend most of your time thinking about your place on the stars before you can even build your ship. Don’t focus on what you love in the present. Focus on what you really love. Focus on the present.

You have always made your parents and family proud with your ambition to be on top of everything, but it is with selfless determination that would make your country proud of you. And believe me, being the symbol of hope for this country is one of the things you will really aspire later on.

My regards to your (our) parents, to our brothers (I’m saying this with brothers with “s” — yes, your hunch is right, your mom’s pregnant) and our highschool friends who will still be our friends throughout college, even if you guys parted ways after graduation. You’ll get on a college you won’t expect yourself to be in and meet many different, wonderful people along the way. Treasure them. Things could have been way different for me if I had.

And oh, your writing still sucks, but treasure it the same. It’s part of you and you wouldn’t imagine how you will need it at 20, dependent and frustrated with all these young adult responsibility pressure getting into you.

You’re free to believe anything you want. Either way, just listen to the message of this letter. I would rather have you listen than believe.


Your 21-year-old self

PS. Please just confess to HIM already. You might blow your only chance and end up thinking of countless ‘what-ifs’ for five years, or maybe more.

And you’re not going to have any motorcyle when you graduate from highschool, or even college for that matter. SAD TRUTH!


About sentimentalfreak

Consistently inconsistent. Forever searching and wandering. 'Tis only writing that calms down her restless little soul.

Posted on August 3, 2013, in reflections and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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